Living Your Best During the Empty Nest Years and Beyond!
A pretty meadow with blooming yellows and puffy clouds.
Sometimes I have asked myself what am I going to do now since the kids left? I have empty time, empty hands and I want to fill them with things that help me feel needed, wanted. I feel left out, like I used to in my young school days, but I want to feel included, to have a purpose again in a different way. Have you felt this way before? Sometimes we put so much time and effort into our kids that we forget we are individuals that need time and effort spent on ourselves too. I believe God put us here for a reason, a purpose, and we may neglect it for a time as we raise the kids, putting our purpose on them, maybe even our reason to live. Well, mama, once you have released your baby birds into the world, it is time to put your focus on something else. Let’s chat about some things that we could do to feel included, have purpose and be thankful to God by living our best.
Living our best could mean:
Talk to your spouse. Let him know how you feel and ask for advice, a crying shoulder or some comfort. He might miss the kids too and it will be helpful if you two team up and share this time together.
Maybe reach out to girlfriends for support. It is wonderful to share with your husband your struggles but sometimes sharing with another woman, like a bestie, can be helpful.
Join a group. What to do you like to do? Are you active? Creative? Want to start a new hobby? Look at local groups or classes in your area for what you want to do. You now have the time!
Have a good cry. My goodness, I have cried so much as an adult compared to my childhood! Cry as you walk through your kids rooms. Remember the good times you had with them and keep them close to your heart.
Turn your kids rooms into a different room. Like a craft room, a exercise room, a romantic room for you and your spouse - maybe put a spa in there!
Start a new job or career. If you ever wanted to finish or even start college, this is your time. Lots of women want to re-enter the job force, but need to update their skills, so college or a trade school could help. Or if you just want to work without school, I bet many jobs would want to have you. Just update your resume!
Travel. Lots of retired people tend to travel, maybe see places before life gets too hard, or have goals to visit national parks (highly recommend), or maybe sell everything and travel in a RV, like we did.
Date night! Oh yes, remember dating your spouse before you two got married? Now you have plenty of time to date, whether you spend a romantic night at home, go out and dance your heels off at a dance club, go to the beach, go to the mountains or whatever fun place you want to! No more babysitters or worrying about your kids are destroying your house!
When my kids left, my husband and I were preparing to live and travel in a RV fulltime. Not forever, but for a time. What I was not prepared for was the emotions of not only saying goodbye to my kids (even though they lived in the same area) but also selling our house so we could fulltime RV. We used to camp part time when our kids were young and we had a popup camper. Oh we had so much fun! I used to imagine us living in our popup camper and traveling the U.S., homeschooling the kids and working in different towns. Well, have you been in a popup camper? With three growing kids, it would have been very HARD to live together only in that!
Our living quarters!
We saw many sights as we traveled in our RV. There are so many amazing places to visit, such as national parks, hidden gems (these truly are the best), incredible scenery and so much more! But we did have some problems, like our semi breaking down on the off ramp of a busy freeway (scary), a storm broke our awning as we forgot to pull it in (oops) and a mouse decided to cozy up in our heater in the trailer, killing the heater and itself, leaving us with not heat on cold days until we got it fixed.
But we are still together, as we left the fulltime RV life and living in an apartment as we await to buy hopefully an inexpensive house. We have learned to accept and love one another as a couple again, like our dating and pre-kid years, just a little older and wiser. It has taken time for us, especially for me to accept that my husband is not a “30 something” anymore, maybe slowing down a little, and remembering he is the man I fell in love with 31 years ago. You can accept your husband as he is, warts and all.
Since the kids have left the nest, what will you do? I highly suggest to PRAY. Read Scripture. Look for a Bible plan to read and learn about Jesus. Join a Women’s Bible Study with like-minded gals to encourage and strengthen you for this new journey. Listen to Christian music to get the doldrums out of your body and start grooving to some of the music. Look at my list above and see what entices you to do next!
Do not let the empty nest years make you too sad, you knew it was coming, it was only a matter of time. This is a time to focus on YOU and what you can do participate in the world as an individual, not just someone’s mother.
Living your best during the empty nest years and beyond does not have to be boring, something you are dreading if you still have kids at home or and end to mothering your children. You will always mother your children, just from a distance as your kids spread their wings and fly the coop.
Mom, it is YOUR turn to live your best, share your skills, your creativity, your organization to others and not just to your kids. Start planning fun things with your spouse that you could not do with the kids at home, like planning a romantic meal, a trip out of town, make new friends with the neighbors or join a social club event. Remember what drew you to HIM before you had kids. He has not changed, just a little older and hopefully wiser.
This is a two part series and here is a link to the first one, A New Lifestyle Change for the Better?
Please let me know in the comments what you have done since the kids have left!