Living With Chronic Illness
The pressure quickly came this time. Exercising as I usually do early in the morning, I turned around and it hit me. I could not tell where the floor was nor the ceiling of my house. I fell onto my bed and screamed out my husband’s name to help me. He came rushing into our bedroom, picked me up and leaned me against him. Was I having a seizure or a stroke? I was so frightened as images of helplessness and fear flashed before me.
I have an inner ear problem where I get dizzy, even with vertigo at times. It strikes me any time of the day or night. It is not an everyday problem, but when it comes, I am usually in bed or I try to tough it out, depending on how severe it gets.
Can you relate with a chronic illness or a problem? One that takes over your mind, body, and soul as it pervades your thoughts day after day?
To live with a chronic problem, whether it is health, mental, physical, social, emotional takes courage to deal with it, and sometimes on a daily or even an hourly basis. Courage is a choice. A choice to face your problems head-on and decide what to do with it. This courage sometimes takes me to the Bible and look for people that have suffered with health problems. It helps me to see I am not alone. One such person was Paul.
Paul lived with a thorn in his flesh. This thorn in his flesh may have hampered him at times, bringing pressure and pain in his life. At least three times he asked God to take it away. And you know what God said? “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. (NIV) He knew and understood Paul could deal with this problem and move forward. It would not stop Paul but would push him to do great things for God.
I have cried out to God many times, asking Him to take away my thorn, and He gave me the same answer He gave Paul, “NO.” It is hard to accept a NO from God. I want a YES, you will be healed and no longer suffer, but that is not always the case. So instead God has introduced me to the world of photography, maybe as a way of distraction. Taking photos has been very healing. Even though it is hard when a dizzy spell comes, I do my best and try to focus on taking a photo. A steady hand and good balance go a long way for those nonblurry photos.
When I am outside, as most of my photos are of the outdoors, I feel like God is holding me up, helping me to do what I want or need to do. I feel the courage to keep going and not give up. It is a beautiful thing to feel God wrap His arms around you when you need Him the most, and He does show up.
Even though I rarely suffer as I did in the past, a dizzy spell still may show up and I know it is time to rest and talk to God.
It takes courage and determination to live day-to-day with a chronic illness. Even though you may suffer, God knows you are suffering. He is suffering along with you. But also, He wants you to have the courage to face it and use it for something wonderful. It may not feel wonderful, but God has a good plan for you and how you can be a shining example to those who do not know Jesus. It might look like helping others with similar problems as you have; it might be an assignment from God or even to spend more time with Him. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world, with fallen problems, such as chronic illnesses.
But there is always hope. Friend, you are not alone. I understand. I am with you. Together we can have this courage, this hope, this determination, this willingness that we will not be defeated by what ails us or anything else.
Are you with me?